


The Valley of Tomorrow

by searchingwardrobes



Series: needtobreathe [9]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, But a tiny bit of hope at the end, Deleted Scenes, Episode: s05e12 Souls Of The Departed, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, F/M, Psychological Torture, Song Lyrics, The Underworld, Torture, s05e13 Labor of Love, yeah poor Killy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 19:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13255530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/searchingwardrobes/pseuds/searchingwardrobes
Summary: But the one thing that cuts deepest of all is the mirror that hangs on the other side of the chamber. This is Killian Jones true torture. Deleted scenes of Killian from Swan Song through Labor of Love. Or how Killian went from a hero's death to being tortured by Hades.All the stories in this series have two self-imposed rules: all must be deleted scenes and all must be based on a needtobreathe song. Because needtobreathe is amazing and half their songs make me think of this OTP anyway.





	The Valley of Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> * Maybe I read way too much into things, but it always confused me why Killian was being tortured by Hades. I also didn't understand why he deserved that when he had made the hero's choice in the end. Anyway, so this is my deleted scene to fill that in.
> 
> * There's dialogue in here from the episode Labor of Love. I don't own Once or the lyrics to this song by needtobreathe.

_I am a troubled mind, I am a calloused heart_

_A failing engine from driving way too hard_

_Trying way too hard_

_I pulled a thirty eight out of my bleeding heart_

_I killed my selfishness for bringing me this far_

_This far away from you_

_Oh, this is the way I wanna go down_

_This is the way I wanna go out_

Killian Jones, sadly, has lied to Emma Swan before. Many times. It’s a fact that he wishes weren’t true. A fact that merely points to the depth of blackness in his soul. But this lie has to be the worst one he’s ever told her.

              He lies and tells her it’s okay, nodding at her as she sobs, Excalibur clutched in her fist. The tears streaming down her face break his heart in two, and he wishes she didn’t have to do this. He thought about doing it himself, of holding the sword to his breast and falling upon it. But he feels the darkness throbbing just below the surface, and he knows he isn’t strong enough. It has to be her. So he lies.

              He lies and lets her believe it won’t hurt him, that he isn’t afraid of steel slicing right through him. Lies as if he doesn’t mind dying. Not that he doesn’t know this is the right thing to do. But he wanted so much more. His heart breaks to think of all they wanted together and now will never have. Tries not to think of all the memories they will never make in that house he picked out for them.

              He told her this day would come, that afternoon in that cabin in the woods. He warned her someday he would lose his happy ending. But now he lies as if he won’t miss it at all.

              And then the excruciating pain, and he tries not to cry out, strangles it when it slips past his lips anyway. The last thing he sees is her – bathed in light. Exquisite in all her radiance, the darkness gone forever, and as he falls to the ground and his life ebbs away, he knows it was worth it. In the end, he made the right choice. She’ll have a future. She’ll have her family. Henry is no longer marked for the Underworld. He saved him. He saved them all.

                            ******************************************************

              When Killian opens his eyes next, he’s confused. He hasn’t gone anywhere: Emma and Henry; all of them are right before his eyes. Then he sees Emma fall to the ground. It’s him! Or his body anyway.

A black hand shoots out and grasps his chin. _Look_ it breathes out, and Killian has no choice. He realizes now that he’s standing in Charon’s boat on the pond in Storybrooke. His head turns to watch the scene before him, though it’s the last thing he wants to do.

“Why are you staying here?” he bites out to the figure at the boat’s helm. “Take me to hell. I know it’s all I deserve.”

But Killian is forced to watch as Emma sobs over his body. He is unable to look away when the paramedics come and have to physically lift her off him. They check for vitals, though it’s useless anyway, and his heart breaks ( _can_ it when he’s dead?) when he sees Emma lift trembling hands to her lips. He sees the hope spark in her eyes: maybe, maybe . . . then sees it die. She gasps and folds in on herself as she takes his hand. The emergency crew gives her a minute to say goodbye, but then Emma won’t let go. David and Snow have to physically pull her away. She doesn’t release his hand until the last possible moment, then she collapses into her parents’ arms. He’s never seen her cry like that; never seen her so broken.

“Please,” he begs the wraith by his side, “take me away from here. I can’t bear it.”

Mercifully, there’s black.

              ************************************************

When Killian opens his eyes again he’s in the living room of their blue house – or what would have been their house. Emma’s crying reaches his ears, and he hugs himself around the middle, the agony of her cries causing a physical ache. He goes to her, tries to talk to her, but she can’t hear him. He reaches out to touch her, but his hand is made of air.

He stands and screams, “Is this hell? Why am I being tortured like this?”

He tries to go to the door and leave, but he can’t. He’s forced to hear and watch Emma’s grief. He had forgotten how many different ways a person could cry. He went through them all with Liam and with Milah, but hearing Emma grieve is worse than his own. She alternates between sobbing with gut-wrenching gasps and crying softly as tears course tracks down her cheeks. She doesn’t bother wiping them away, and he yearns to reach out and do it for her. But he can’t. The worst is when she simply lies on her back, emptiness in her face, her hands clenched around the ring he gave her.

Killian felt deep inside that eventually he would lose his happy ending; lose Emma. But he always assumed she would move on. That she would be fine without him. He knew she would grieve losing him, of course. He knew she loved him. But he hadn’t expected this level of grief.

Killian clenches his fist, then lifts his head and shouts at whoever is in charge of this torture. “Okay, I see what you’re doing! But she won’t grieve this way forever! She’ll move on; she’ll be happy.”

Before Killian even realizes what is happening, the floor gives way beneath him, and he’s falling. He feels as if he’s falling forever, and then with a jarring crash, he’s lying on a stone floor. He groans as he rolls over and sees a dispassionate figure in a crisp suit. Killian chuckles.

“Who knew a dead body could still feel such pain?”

“Oh, we’re just getting started,” the man tells him cooly. He squats down so he’s on eye level with Killian. “Forgive me, I don’t believe I introduced myself. I’m Hades.”

Killian just scowls at him. “What was the point of all that?” he spits out. “Torturing me by showing me how Emma is grieving? Is this my hell?”

Hades chuckles, “I’m god of the Underworld, not Hell. But that’s a common misconception. You see, my domain is where people languish because of their unfinished business. You were getting your passport stamped for the Elysian Fields, and well, I just couldn’t have that. The more souls in my kingdom the better, you see?”

Killian struggles to his feet and suppresses the urge to kick Hades feet from under him. “So now you’ve made Emma my unfinished business.”

Hades stands toe to toe with him. “Precisely.”

“Too bad it didn’t work,” Killian snarls. “I have no regrets. No unfinished business. I know she’s hurting, but in time she’ll realize there was no other way. With her parents and her son beside her, she’ll move on. She’ll find happiness.”

Hades leans back and taps his fingers on his lips. “Is that so?”

“Yes. And what’s more I finally did what I always wanted to do. I destroyed the Dark One.”

Killian startles as Hades begins to laugh. An uproarious laugh that has him doubled over and sniffling away tears. “Oh, I’m sorry, pirate,” he finally says. “You don’t know.”

Hades then snaps his fingers and a crystal ball appears in his palm. Killian leans forward to see Emma sit up from her couch with a start. Then she’s marching into Gold’s shop, and . . . Hades snaps the ball again, a smug grin on his face.

“Rumplestiltskin,” Killian chokes out, “he’s the Dark One again.”

“Yes,” Hades sighs, “so much for your heroic death, huh?”

Killian lunges forward, but before he can get his hands on Hades, the god has sent him hurtling backwards. He collides with the wall, then slides down to the floor. Every bone in his body feels broken, and when he lifts a shaking hand to the back of his head, blood is on his fingers. Hades looms over him.

“Yes, bones are broken. Yes, cuts are bleeding. But you’re dead, so there is no end to the pain. It just goes on and on. For eternity.”

Hades then kicks him repeatedly, chains him to the wall while his demons slash at him, and uses any number of torture devices. But the one thing that cuts deepest of all is the mirror that hangs on the wall on the other side of the chamber.

A mirror of Emma Swan getting older, and older, and older. Still weeping, still lying awake night after sleepless night. Always alone, always clutching Killian’s ring.

That is Killian Jones true torture.

              *******************************************************

Finally, mercifully, he passes out. But the torture doesn’t really end because he hears Emma calling his name. And then – shadowy before him is Emma herself. And she looks so real. She tells him she’s here, in the Underworld, to bring him home. He tries to respond to her, but he can’t.

Killian gasps, his eyes opening suddenly. Or at least, one eye. The other is swollen shut. He’s on a cold, stone floor. He struggles to his feet, confused when he sees that he is in an open corridor.

“Is this a bloody trick?”

Killian takes one tentative step.

“No,” a voice calls out, and he pauses. A girl is huddled in an alcove on the other side of the corridor. “That’s exactly what it is. A trick. Don’t move. He wants you to think you can escape, but you can’t. No one can.”

“Aye,” Killian spits out, shuffling forward, “we’ll see about that.” Emma had seemed so real, he has to go and try to find her.

“Don’t!” the girl shouts again. “He’ll hunt you down!”

“Hades?” Killian almost chuckles. “He’s already done his worst to me.”

“I don’t mean Hades,” the girl replies, her eyes glazed over with fear.

“Who then?”

Her fear is so intense, she can’t even answer, just shakes her head trembling, “Nothing, just . . . don’t.”

Killian growls in irritation. His Swan may very well be here in the Underworld, and he has to get to her before Hades does. “Look, this isn’t my first cell. I don’t just sit around and rot. Now, somebody’s come down here to save me, and I need to make her job easier.”

The girl lifts an eyebrow in surprise. “How do you know she’s here?”

“She got me a message.”

The girl furrows her brow. “How do you know that isn’t one of Hades tricks?”

“Because I know!” Killian shouts at her in frustration. “When you love someone, you know.”

And with the first flicker of hope swelling in his breast after many dark days, Killian Jones reaches out his hand for the girl to take.

Perhaps this isn’t the end after all. Perhaps this is just the valley of the shadow of death, and on the other side of the valley is tomorrow. For him. For Emma. For both of them.

_I never second-guessed the little voice I heard_

_It’s just a whisper, that sounded like a scream_

_I ain’t never felt so free_

_I will stand alone in the valley of tomorrow_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I actually have another installment in this series written. I'm not sure if I'll post it later today or tomorrow, but be looking for that. It will be a deleted scene from season two.


End file.
